So long as I don't hear a recording of my playing, I can live happily in the knowledge that I'm producing something reasonably pleasant to listen to (despite the tendency of all my family members to request that I keep the door firmly shut when I'm practicing). However, time to kick the self-delusion habit - I'm biting the bullet and using the phone to record myself to hear what's really going on.
The first thing to overcome of course, is the 'red button' syndrome. (No matter that the button is sometimes white - it has the same effect in terms of inducing a state of panic, with predictably negative effects). I have been attempting to overcome this with a surfeit of exposure - i.e. during some practice sessions keeping the 'record' button pressed for every attempt - even if my efforts are sometimes so bad I have to delete without listening. This seems to be working, in that now it only really bothers me the first time I turn it on. OK so that hurdle overcome, what am I finding out? First, as expected, all those little (and not so little) problems become all too obvious - buzzing strings, missed notes, faulty timing (plus my recent recognition that strings ringing over to the next chord are making the whole thing fuzzy). This is proving helpful because I can now use the oft-recommended 'slow practice' on very small sections, and with concrete goals in mind, such as figuring out a way to stop that string buzzing, or make that slur actually sound. And after I've worked on it I can check to see if I did it right! Ditto using the metronome to make sure I'm not speeding up or wandering around with the tempo.
Second, attempts at dynamic contrast are scarcely audible. I'm trying to convince myself this is actually a deficiency of the phone's ability to detect rather than my ability to produce. On the other hand, it would explain my long-suffering guitar teacher's frequent request for "more dynamics." Sigh.
Third, tone leaves a lot to be desired. This is hard one - there is just a small chance that the paltry microphone on the phone is partly responsible for this, and I'm going to have to hook up the 'real' microphone to check one of these days. Unlike the other problems that I'm hearing on the recordings though, I will need help to work on this and it probably won't be an easy fix. One thing I do know - I definitely can't blame the guitar, because it's way above my pay grade...
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